Before I had a baby, I used to think that owning pets was similar to having kids. Pets wake you up at every hour of the night. They’re demanding. They need constant attention and care. Our fur babies would prepare us for life with a real baby, I thought. Uh, no. Not true at all, as it turns out (duh).
As our baby is growing and learning, I’m noticing some similarities between his and the cats’ behaviors and mannerisms. It got me thinking about everything they have in common, despite the obvious difference of species.
So, for a little levity, here are the top 15 reasons why my eight-month-old baby, Gabriel, might be a cat.
- Fascinated with moving objects
Anything that moves catches his eye. Hands, toes, cars, birds, leaves, cat toys (they would probably play with each other’s if we let them), bright lights, the cats themselves … if it moves, he’s interested. The cats are also very interested when he moves, but not for the same reasons.
- Throws anything and everything on the floor
Cats are notorious jerks when it comes to pushing things off surfaces. Apparently, Gabriel’s the same way. Cup on the table? Not anymore. Laundry basket on the chair? Nope, it’s on the ground now.
- Cries for food
Crying and meowing are generally loudest and most desperate when the belly is “empty.”
- Midnight adventures
If it’s not the cats meowing for food or attention, it’s the baby … up at 12:30 am, 2:00, 3:30, and 5:00 am. At least after that, the cats are content since my husband is up early for work.
- Makes me clean up after them
Owning a cat is simply understood to mean that you’ll clean up too many hairballs or other unmentionables to count. And babies are just born messy.
- Thick as thieves
Whatever you’ve got, Gabriel wants. Remotes, phones, jewelry, loose articles of clothing, books … it’s an endless list. Not unlike the cats, who stole countless socks, underwear, hair ties, pens, and stuffed animals over the years. Move any piece of furniture and you’re bound to find something!
- Little beggars
Gabriel is so interested in what we’re eating sometimes that he will attempt to steal it from our fingers or forks. Since he only has two teeth, vigilance is key. Not unlike Archer, who probably made his living begging for food before he was rescued.
- Two words: plastic and paper
For some reason, our baby is obsessed with trying to lick plastic bags. It’s disgusting (and also dangerous). And he will throw a tantrum if you take away the paper he’s attacking on the exam table of the doctor’s office. The cats will seek out opportunities to sit on paper or lick plastic; always have. Maybe that’s where he learned it; who knows!
- Expensive doctor’s visits
If pediatricians and veterinarians were public companies, we’d all buy stock in them immediately. Co-pays might help with the doctor visits, but they add up … not to mention hospital visits. Forget about your budget if your cat (or other pet) needs a couple tests run at the vet. In the words of every Wheel of Fortune contestant ever, Big Money.
- Requires a seat at the table
Gabriel sits at the table because he’s a baby, and also a human. Archer takes a seat for himself, too – then they both try to grab whatever we’re eating, despite having their own food.
- Smell ya later
Guess what? Babies don’t always have that fresh, new-life smell. Sometimes, they smell downright foul. How about a cat who just … did what cats sometimes do. Fill in the blank. Use your imagination. Or don’t.
- (Im)Perfect Timing
Oh, you wanted to hang out in the game room, or have guests over? Let me use the litter box immediately, says the cat. Hey mama, you wanted to leave on time today? Sorry, but I was planning on a diaper blowout at this exact time, said the baby.
- Tries to trip me
The cats thrive on finding new opportunities to run between our feet, especially on stairs. Gabriel can’t run yet, but that doesn’t mean he’s any less dangerous. Determined baby + walker in kitchen = no more bare feet and watch-your-step-or-you’ll-get-run-over.
- #thisiswhywecanthavenicethings
We have a baby. We have cats. Know what that means? We’re cleaning up puke from one of them every other day. (For anyone who visits our house, don’t worry – we have a shampoo vacuum and a steam mop for just this reason.)
- Takes joy in inflicting pain
Just like the cats, who enjoy scratching us when they decide it’s time to stop petting their belly, Gabriel laughs when he pinches or bites me.
How does your little one imitate your pet(s)? Tell us in the comments!
