Why My Daughters Will Not Be Attending Sleep Overs


Yup, you read that correctly, my daughter will not be attending your child’s sleep overs (nothing personal, I promise!). Kindergarten is right around the corner and we are so so excited.  She is really starting to flourish and beginning to build life long friendships. Just like with preschool, I know that we will soon be getting invitations to all her new friend’s birthday parties. Inevitably some of these will include sleep overs in the future. I am all about birthday parties and my daughter having a great time celebrating with her friends. I will try my best to make sure she gets to go to these (even though I swear we can have 17 parties in one weekend, haha). But where I draw the line is at a sleep over. 

Call me crazy, over protective, a helicopter parent or anything else; but my daughter will not be attending slumber parties. I used to work for Child Protective Services and have seen so many cases of children being abused with people that they were supposed to trust. I also grew up in a household where my mom would never let me sleep over at a friend’s house….ever. She would always tell me “una niña siempre duerme en su casa” (a young lady always sleeps at home). Now obviously I am not saying that children do not get abused at home, but I have way more control over keeping my daughter safe at home and it would be harder to do that at someone else’s house. Granted sleep overs are fun, and I am sure pretty safe most of the time. I just can’t control who comes in contact with my daughter. What if a neighbor, friend, family member, etc comes to this home and has access to my child? No thank you. What if my child has a nightmare, has to pee in the middle of the night and is uncomfortable walking around in the dark trying to find the bathroom? What if she gets cold or misses her mommy and daddy but does not want to speak up because she is out of her comfort zone? 

I will also mention that my daughter does has regular sleep overs at grandmas’s house and will have them with my nieces at my brother’s house, which I am totally OK with. I will also be totally fine with hosting sleep overs at our house for her and her friends. That way, she can still have fun and I know that she is safe in her own home. She also has a built in BFF (her sister) that she can have fun slumber parties with all the time as well. 

We also love to travel with our girls, so they will have those fun sleep overs at hotels, vacation homes, etc, but they will be with us.


Bottom line is, as a parent we get to make our own decisions on how we want to raise our children. You don’t have to agree with my choices but you do have to respect them. Their safety is my priority and they can still have so much fun with their friends without having to sleep over. I have spoken with many friends who take the same stance, so I know I can’t be alone in this. What are your opinions on sleep overs?  Feel free to comment and share!

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Anny is a mommy to two beautiful girls. Sofia is 7 and Olivia is 3 years old. Anny was born in the Dominican Republic and moved to New Jersey with her family when she was 5. She is bilingual and is fluent in Spanish. She has been a Jersey girl most of her life until six years ago when she moved with her husband to Pittsburgh, where he’s originally from. Anny has a career in Recruiting/Human Resources and is currently working as a Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist. Anny strives to find a good work life balance while having two little ones. Anny loves living in Pittsburgh and exploring the city’s Latin culture. She also loves to write and blogging has always been something she has wanted to do! For good laughs, follow Anny’s funny FB page at hotmessmomanny and on Instagram at hotmessmom where she provides comic relief to us moms that are just trying to get through life.


  1. I am always split on this. But I tend to agree with you. My daughter is 9 and has only slept over my friend of 9 years. We are just now going to let her stay over one of my closest friends whom I’ve know for 8 years. These people are a part of my inner circle and they are close to me like family. I cannot send my children on sleepovers to homes that I just am not familiar with.

    Your concerns on abuse are exactly what mine are. Thanks for sharing! My husband is from Nutley, New Jersey and I lived theee for 4 years. We ultimately decided to move here and are raising our children! Glad you are liking it here!

    • Hi. Stephanie,

      Thanks for reading! I think that if you are close to the family and know them will it’s much different than just a classmate or acquaintance hosting a sleep over. I was allowed to sleep over my cousin’s home because we were really close growing up.

      That’s pretty cool that you lived in NJ! I love it here too and it’s not a bad drive at all when I’m feeling homesick and miss my family and friends back home :).

  2. I definitely agree with you that kindergarten is way too young to be sleeping over at an acquaintance’s house. But as a mom of older kids (13 and 10), I’m wondering how you view other “sleep over” events.. what about things like Girl Scout camp, marching band trips, science club state championships, etc? Would you not allow your child on those types of overnights as well, or is it just the concept of someone else’s home?

    • Hi Karen,

      You make a good point. In High school I was in the Color Guard (Marching Band) and was allowed on the yearly trip where we stayed overnight for competitions. As they get older and more responsible that is a bridge I have to cross but for now at this young age, I don’t feel comfortable having them sleep over at friend’s homes.

  3. 100% agree with this! If its grandma’s house, go for it! Friends on the other hand, no thanks. My 9 year old can stay late and come home in that situation… We are our children’s only advocate until 18 and I want to keep her safe!

    • Hi Jules,

      Totally agree! Stay late and go past your bed time to celebrate, but mommy will pick you up and bring you home for bed. Grandma’s house is a regular for sleep overs already haha.

  4. I have a 15 year old son and I am extremely selective on where he can go and who he can stay with. I have to know the parents very wel,l and he’s 15! Sometimes it makes me unpopular with him and his friend, but I always tell him my job is not to be popular it’s to be his mother. As your daughter gets older it will be a struggle because then they have very strong opinions about where they want to go and what they want to do, and what their friends are allowed to do. But you have to stand strong in your beliefs
    I also have a daughter who just turned 3, and I can see in her future she will probably have it even worse than my fifteen-year-old son ?

    • Hi Jamie,

      Absolutely! That is my stance too, I am here to be your mother and not your bff. My job is to take care of you. If my daughter is anything like me (very assertive), then I will have my work cut out for me as she gets older and has her opinions haha. I am glad that you stick to your guns!

  5. Nope, my girls sleep at home. They are 9 and 4. We’ve already discussed this and if they aren’t in their beds in our home then they are in their beds at my mom’s house. I don’t even want other children at our house unless I really know their parents. As far as things like sleep away camp, they don’t participate in those kinds of activities. When I was 15 I went to what I thought was a sleep over with a few girls from school (I was new to this school). It turns out that it was a huge party and I walked into the bathroom and witnessed a girl snort cocaine. I was shocked and called my mom to pick me up. Between that experience and reading about the 12 year old girl that was raped by her friends step father at a sleepover, my foot is planted firmly. Like someone else said, this may make me unpopular but my job is to be a parent and that’s not always a popular job.

  6. It is smart to start early so when they are teenagers they will have accepted the rule. Nothing good comes from sleepovers, I have had a friend tell me they were raped at a sleepover, I also know of someone who was when a close family friend watched the kids. So pray mightily when making decisions, we have similar rules. Not to mention, children and teenagers make dumb decisions when they are together late at night.

  7. I’m in total agreement. I’m not comfortable with it at all, and that is all that matters.

  8. Here in Chile, my first sleepover experience of my nephew Gabriel was with a buddy of a nearby home. It was totally awesome!!! And now is a 11-year-and-a-half #tween. He grews up with PBS’ Curious George and a big Aussie programme, named HI-5 and from Iceland, the successful Lazy Town (so sad ’cause the sportsman who played one of the main characters died of a unknown disease or accident — no one knows — and another one who played Robbie Rotten has a terminal cancer) and a Canadian hit, “Animal Mechanicals.” My nephew’s favourite as a toddler. Even I love the PBS NewsHour. I recommend the hit series “peg + cat” for math and “Splash & Bubbles” for the underwater adventure. Keep supportin’ your Pittsburgh PBS station, WQED.

  9. I absolutely agreed with this- especially the part about not knowing who has access to your child when they sleep away from home! You never know if your child’s friend has a creepy uncle that might pop by for a visit or a neighbor that shouldn’t be around your child. I had enough bad sleep over experiences as a child to know that some kids are just too young to look out for themselves or what to do if they are in an unsafe situation. I will only let my children have sleep overs with grandparents until they are old enough to understand how to respond to a situation that is unsafe and when they understands proper boundaries with their bodies and others. I have found many mom friends that agree with this position. I truly believe it’s becoming more common in this age where we hear so many horror stories and abuse is more widely talked about.

  10. Please don’t get too complacent about family…it happens to OTHER families…. it happened in mine. Repercussions are infinite, the ripple never ends

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