I Don’t Want Daddy And Mommy To Be Angels

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“I don’t want Daddy and Mommy to be Angels.” 

Those are the words my four-year-old whispered to my mother-in-law last month. 

As she was replaying the story back to me, instantly, I wanted to squeeze him and tell him we are not going anywhere. 

At the store that same day, he says to me “Mom, will you miss me when I go to heaven?” 

The look on my face must have said it all because he immediately retreated, hugged me, and said he won’t ever leave me.

At four, he has been to more than a handful of funerals. At each one he gets a little more curious. He asks a lot of questions. We tell him they are in heaven, or forever sleeping, and he tries to process it, but at four – he obviously does not understand. 

Lately, our families have been having very tough conversations about funeral expenses, cemetery plots, last rights, and wills. In the middle of those conversations is our son. It is not purposely. He just happens to always be around when the subject surfaces.  

Now I am starting to realize maybe we should be shielding him from the subject of death and everything that comes along with it. As death is heavy – I do not want him to feel the looming possibility of losing us anytime soon. I do not even want to write this, but I never want him to think he will leave this Earth before us. 

Where is that fine line between life and death? 

What discussion points are off limits? 

He knows his great-grandparents are angels watching over him. He knows heaven is far away and you do not come back in person, but those people are always in our hearts. 

We as parents have to answer the tough questions and I want to ease his little mind as much as I can. One day our children will start to process death in their own way.

How and when is the appropriate time to talk to your children about death? 

Right before I wrote this post he asked me again if I would miss him when he went to heaven, “yes, I will miss you, but that’s not for a very long time.” 

He smiled. I smiled. My heartstrings tugged. Not for awhile, buddy, not for awhile. 

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Amanda is a new Washington County resident. She and her husband just bought their first home together in the North Strabane area. They are parents to a handsome little man named Lorenzo who will be 6 in August. His smile and energy lights up a room. He just may be the next Pittsburgh Penguin star! She graduated from Point Park University in 2010 with a Bachelor’s degree in Advertising and Public Relations. Even though her full-time job does not relate to her degree, she is still able to get her creativity out by contributing to Pittsburgh Moms Blog. It has always been her dream to share her own experiences with the world. Amanda is a working mom who is always struggling to balance life. Marriage, motherhood, friendship, and work all very important to her. Trying to maintain a work-life balance is key to her happiness. She hopes to one day inspire women to believe in themselves, stand up for one another, and never take life too seriously.

2 COMMENTS

  1. It’s normal for children to become curious or even scared of death at a young age. My two sons, now 7 and 8, have been forced to try to understand life and death at a young age. Three years ago at age 35, I was diagnosed with stage IV cancer, a diagnosis that certainly didn’t give me much hope for a long future. I am still kicking it and planning for our future. Now have an open dialogue in our home where we are able to talk about a subject none of us can truly understand, and that’s the best I can do for them.

    • Hi Skylar!

      I apologize for such a late reply as I am just reading this now. My son is very curious and it’s very hard to try and shield him from the subject. I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. That must be very tough for your two boys. I cannot even imagine. I am glad that you are open and honest with them to give them some type of understanding or even knowledge about what is happening around them.

      I will pray for you and your family. Positive thoughts! Thank you for reading.

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