I’m Sick of Being the Bad Guy…

“Go put on your shoes!”, “No TV before school!”, “It’s bedtime, you can’t go play outside!”

How many of these sentences have come out of your mouth?  How often do they come out – on a weekly/daily/hourly basis? Now, how many of these have come out of your spouses mouth?  And how often?  If you say stuff like this more often, chances are you’re the “bad guy” in your household….and it sucks right?!

yell

I have become, and shall forever be, the bad guy in my house, and I hate it.  My kids think of me as the “mean” one, and I’m the one who ruins everyone’s fun.  Meanwhile, daddy is the one who let’s them stay up late, let’s them watch TV for hours and puts chocolate in EVERYTHING they eat.  Mind you, my husband and I have had several conversations about his over-indulgent behavior.  But it still doesn’t stop him from sneaking in some sweets here, or some extra TV time there.  And boy, does it make me mad.  I remember once coming home at 9PM after being out at a work event (the first one I’d been to in months) just to find both boys still awake and watching TV.  The little one was supposed to be in bed two hours ago!  Of course I’m left fuming and ordering the kids upstairs to go to bed.

But over the years I’ve learned a few tricks to help alleviate my “bad guy” status with the kids, and give more responsibility to my spouse.  Here are a few:

  • Turn The Tables – Oftentimes my “bad guy” status comes out because I’m frustrated because no one is listening to me.  I ask the kids to do something, then ask them again and again, only to be left screaming after the 5th time.  I realized that my frustration stemmed from not being listened to or respected by my kids, so when they say I’m being mean, I ask them if they like it when people ignore them.  This usually gets them to stop and think of a second that perhaps their behavior may have played a part in my reaction.
  • Ask Your Spouse to Tell Them What to Do – The fact that there is a “bad guy” means there has to be a “good guy”. If those two roles don’t often interchange in your family dynamic, it’s time to start making that happen.  When I’ve asked the kids to do something too often, or they are outright ignoring me, it’s time for daddy to step in and play the “bad guy” role.  I say “Daddy, it’s your turn, tell them it’s time for bed”  This almost always gets them up and doing what needs to be done.  I know it stinks to still not be listened to, but at least the job is getting done!
  • When All Else Fails – Sing! – I’ve found that when my kids don’t listen to me, I change the way I deliver my message.  Oftentimes when I change up the way I speak, or sing, they’re more inclined to listen, thereby making me the “good guy” again.  It doesn’t always work, but it oftentimes does, especially with my 2 year old.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am the disciplinarian in my family, which will invariably make me the bad guy in most situations, but I’ve also realized that it’s not always a bad thing.  I’ve found that my kids respect me even when I’m not there, and apparently make good choices at friends houses because of the amount of “yelling” I do.  So maybe I’m not so sick of being the bad guy after all…

 

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Priya Amin
Priya Amin is a mom of two rambunctious boys, and is a serial entrepreneur. Her latest project is Flexable, a tech company helping parents and caregivers connect better, by allowing caregivers to intelligently "advertise" their availability. In the past, Priya worked in Corporate America for companies such as IBM and Nestle, before leaving to be a stay at home mom. She launched a successful consulting business called ROKI (named after her boys Ronin and Kirin) prior to launching Flexable, and enjoys the chaos of motherhood x work.