Licking Table Legs

A few weeks ago, my family and I were out shopping for my daughter’s first bed (insert bittersweet mom sobs here). It wasn’t going as quickly as planned, but we decided to power through and check the last place on our list. We found the bed we liked, then headed to a Panera in the mall for some lunch before heading home.

So there we were, in a somewhat crowded Panera, sitting in a booth next to an empty table. My son was in pretty good spirits because he’d napped through the entire excursion (kudos to you, little man), but my daughter was deteriorating quickly. It was past her nap time and the overtired crankiness was setting in. Despite loving mac ‘n’ cheese, she didn’t want any of her lunch. And she did not want to sit at the table.

She wasn’t yelling or screaming or making a scene, but kept shimmying across the booth to the empty table. Inwardly, my husband and I didn’t care if she sat over there because it was empty, she wasn’t disrupting anyone, and we’d be able to eat our lunches without a battle. But we kept having her come back to sit with us. Why? Because we were worried what other people would think.

Eventually, we gave in and she sat (semi)happily one table over. This sparked the conversation between my husband and I: how much of our parenting should be about what we find acceptable versus what others find acceptable? Should we cave to the perceived opinions of others?

Yes, in a perfect world she should have listened and sat at our table. But it’s not a perfect world and this wasn’t a battle we wanted to fight. If it didn’t bother us and we deemed it acceptable to let her win this time; why wasn’t that enough? We don’t cave to her every time and trust me, there are some great battles as she has inherited my stubbornness and her father’s persistence, so why do we feel pressure to go against our own judgement for the sake of others?

Maybe it’s because we’re still learning how to parent strong wills or because we’ve seen disapproving stares given to other parents. But that shouldn’t matter. Our children’s happiness and our sanity are far more important than other people’s opinions of how we raise our children. We should be confident in our decisions, worrying less about if the two women discussing wedding details are judging my parenting skills and more about, oh crap, did my daughter just lick the table leg?

Which is why when sitting at the empty table was no longer enough and she began exploring the floor (and said table leg), we stopped it. And that was our cue that it was time to go. A melting down toddler and suddenly hungry baby weren’t battles we wanted to fight… at least, not publicly.

I don’t care if my daughter sits sideways in a shopping cart. I’m fine if she goes ahead of me down an aisle. If she doesn’t always hold my hand, that’s okay. I have limits: no standing in the cart, don’t touch everything on the shelves, and to my teething son, PLEASE don’t put every single thing in your mouth. But I love to watch them explore their world. It constantly crosses my mind what other people might think, especially if they’re getting… restless, shall we say. But I have found that people generally smile and enjoy the show (or possibly think, better her than me).

For what it’s worth, my daughter L.O.V.E.S. her new bed. I chalk that up as a parenting win and well worth the Panera ordeal.

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Jesse Hartwich
Jesse, originally from outside of Philadelphia, moved to Pittsburgh three years ago and now lives in the South Hills. She is married to her adorably nerdy husband whom she met in junior high and together they have a one-year-old daughter, Riley, and a baby son, Jordan. A writer by schooling and profession, Jesse graduated from Susquehanna University and has worked as a copywriter/editor for several major retailers. She now stays home with her children but continues to write for herself, both fiction and her own blog (www.RunningOnAverage.com).