To The Mom Coping with Anxiety

1

I see you.

I see you running the never ending to do list in your head, and your stomach twisting into a pit because you don’t know where to even begin.

I see you trying to keep busy at all times because if you slow down for even just a minute, your mind has too much free time to process everything that could possibly go wrong.

I see you trying to control your anger with your children, your husband, your friends, etc., because sometimes that is how your anxiety manifests.

I see you wide awake in the middle of the night since you can’t turn your brain off, so you start checking items off your to do list such as online shopping and getting that Christmas list done.

Christmas list, my daughter really narrowed it down.

I see that coffee mug still in the microwave because you forgot that you reheated it 3 times. It’s just that you caught site of the laundry that needed to be done, the shelves that need dusted and the picture frames that need hung up on the wall. It all needs to be done… Right. This. Second.

I see your reluctance to let your child go play at a friend’s house, you can’t help but to think of EVERYTHING that could go wrong. 

I see you looking at your calendar with dread every time there are social activities planned, you get stressed out just thinking of all the energy you have to put into it.

I see you trying to squeeze in date nights with your husband because he means the world to you even if you don’t always say it.

I see you stressed out about everything you have to pack in the diaper bag days before the event, because you need it to be perfect. You can’t forget a thing!

I see you trying to be involved in every activity your child wants to do, you need to be a perfect mom right?

I see you trying to have a career and be the best mom you can be, I see you trying to do it all.

I see you trying to make sure the house is constantly spotless, even though you have children so that is nearly impossible.

I see you trying to sit down and build a painfully slow puzzle with your child, but trying to ignore the clutter that you are itching to clean.

I see you trying so hard to live in the moment. although I know that does not come easy to you.

You know that girl’s trip that you really deserve and want to go on? I see how hard it is for you to book it. You can’t bear the thought of your plane crashing and your kids being raised without their mom. You lost your mom, and don’t ever want your daughters to feel that pain. So you obsess every day about how to keep yourself and them safe.

But you know what else I see? I see how strong you are. I see how much you love your kids and what a strong bond they have with each other. I see how much you give of yourself to your family every single day. I see how you will do anything in the world for them. I see how you put yourself last way more than you should. I see your battle with anxiety every day. I see you.

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Anny Bezilla
Anny is a mommy to two beautiful girls. Sofia is 7 and Olivia is 3 years old. Anny was born in the Dominican Republic and moved to New Jersey with her family when she was 5. She is bilingual and is fluent in Spanish. She has been a Jersey girl most of her life until six years ago when she moved with her husband to Pittsburgh, where he’s originally from. Anny has a career in Recruiting/Human Resources and is currently working as a Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist. Anny strives to find a good work life balance while having two little ones. Anny loves living in Pittsburgh and exploring the city’s Latin culture. She also loves to write and blogging has always been something she has wanted to do! For good laughs, follow Anny’s funny FB page at hotmessmomanny and on Instagram at hotmessmom where she provides comic relief to us moms that are just trying to get through life.

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