This is something I mom-wrote…

When I submitted a writing sample to Pittsburgh Moms Blog, I felt silly and embarrassed. Why? Because I felt weird about my interest in being a “mommy” blogger. When I posted on Facebook that I had been selected to be a contributor I wrote “…guess I’m mommy blogging now…” to acknowledge, with a hint of sheepishness, that I’d joined the ranks of women who write primarily about their child rearing activities – knowing full well that this blog (and others like it) are rich with content not only focused on raising kids, but also with stories of experiences, pain, hopes, dreams, and failures.

I’m a mom. I have been for 5 years. So why do I ask my husband, while getting dressed to go out (child-free), “Do I look like a mom?” What does a mom look like, exactly? And why is it an implied negative? If he dared to answer “yeah, you totally look like a mom” I’d probably be upset – but, again, why? So, what does a mom look like? Is it the mom-jeans skit from SNL from years ago? Is it a woman wearing yoga pants? Is it a woman in a pantsuit? Is it me? Well, yes, it is me – because I am a mom.

Why, over the last few years, has the term mom been thrown around like an adjective (and a pejorative) rather than the noun that it is?

I catch myself unnecessarily tossing in the word mom or mommy when referring to something I find unpleasant about other people, women in particular. If a woman in a giant SUV cuts me off, I think “Rude soccer mom!” Or if I overhear what I feel is sanctimonious parenting advice, I often think “ugh, sanctimommy.” Was the woman who cut me off rude? Yes, but her possibly being a mom has nothing to do with it. Did I feel the woman was being sanctimonious? Sure, but, why throw in the extra “mommy?”  

Mom, when used as an adjective, has become a laughable stereotype. We’re all micromanaging and living vicariously through smaller versions of ourselves. We’re all drinking wine and coffee 25 hours a day, 8 days a week. We’re all wearing yoga pants while throwing our hair in messy buns. We’re all absolutely frothing at the mouth to go to Target and buy things we don’t need. Well…maybe some of us. And what the heck is wrong with that? I really, like really, enjoy coffee and have for the last 20 years. I’ve only been a mom for 5 years. Were the last 15 years of my mass coffee consumption readying me to join mom-culture?

I think this notion strikes such a chord with me because I, like a lot of women, do not define myself solely based on the fact that I’ve reproduced. I think it’s kind of strange that the act of raising a child has become a silly, mocked subculture. Is it marginalization of the role women play? Is it a self-perpetuating stereotype? Is it a marketing ploy? I have my theories, at-large, but this blog isn’t the place for my political hypothesis. And, as far as parenting goes, moms aren’t alone in being stereotyped – I have a whole other musing on the heinous stereotype of “dad as dumb dumb.” Being a mom (or not) is just another role many women play. It seems really silly to me to have to mockingly quantify things with a mom prefix.

I’ll just leave it at this – this morning, I mom-woke up, I then made mom-coffee, I brushed my mom-teeth and put on my mom-clothes. I drove my mom-car to my place of employment (with other moms), I sat at my mom-desk, and did some mom-work. I ate my mom-lunch then did some more mom-work. I returned to my mom-home and started writing this piece for the mommy-blog.

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Ryan Mahoney
Ryan is a native of Pittsburgh. She was born and raised, and still lives in Beechview with her husband, son, and dog. She's a proud graduate of the Pittsburgh Public School System and later received her Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of Pittsburgh. For the last 13 years she's worked as a Technical Communication Specialist focusing on interface instruction, user experience, and user guidance for several software products. When she's not fulfilling the responsibilities of her day job, Ryan can be found listening to and obsessing over David Bowie - and passing that obsession on to her son. Ryan enjoys reading, picking through thrift stores and flea markets, movies, music, and exploring all of the great places Pittsburgh has to offer families.