From Only to Oldest

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My due date is right around the corner and baby number two will be arriving any day. What I was expecting to feel at this point was the “nesting” instinct – the one that inspires you to deep clean every corner of your home and organize to the point of absurdity. And while I have definitely felt that panic this time around, I’m surprised to find that the main urge overwhelming me at the moment is not to nest, but instead to hug my son a little more – a bittersweet sadness that he will soon be going from “only” to “oldest” child.

Don’t get me wrong. I think that he will be a wonderful big brother to his new sister, and we are blessed to expand our family and absolutely thrilled to give him a friend for life that will be close in age. But at the same time, we also love our current family of three (four including our beloved dog) and giving him the vast majority of our attention. He is a happy, smart, loving toddler that finds joy in everything he does – and it’s hard to imagine him sharing the spotlight. And while we occasionally glimpse a preview of what parents mean by the “terrible twos,” we are mostly finding this age to be wonderful so far.

In the final days before things change, I find myself suddenly wishing there was more time to take experience events with only him, and just in general for him to be our only “favorite” child. At the same time, we cannot wait to meet our baby girl and bond with her. It’s a strange feeling – and while I have no intentions of giving my son less attention, I know that it will inevitably happen because there is only one me, and soon there will be two young children who need me.

But I must keep reminding myself that even though he soon will no longer be the only child, he’ll be the only one of him. Our relationship will be unique to us, and just because they’ll be another person to love and dote on – it doesn’t mean that we’ll love him any less.