The Secret Of Marriage Is That There Is No Secret

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Marriage in today’s society is alarmingly unsuccessful.

According to the American Psychological Association, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. 

I think something that contributes deeply to this is that we take on the role of mom so fiercely that sometimes we forget we hold the title of wife too. We also rarely talk about what it’s like being a wife. It’s hard playing a bunch of roles in life, but being a wife is probably the most important one. 

Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. With hard work, tears, and laughter, we are doing our best to make us work. We are a team. If we break, our family breaks. Life gets the best of us sometimes, but we still are able to bring it back to what matters most. I’ve said this before, a lot of friends and family value us as a couple and as parents. The reason being is that we share the same values, work hard, and respect one another. 

Photo Credit: Fred Vero Photography

I’ve decided to pull together some marriage advice from my family and friends to share with you because the secret of marriage isn’t a secret. 

Communication was the number one advice given by my friends who have all been married for 10+ years. 

It’s important to make time for each other. Life gets hectic and crazy. Kids are time suckers.” -Lisa Leo Bungard (married 24 years) 

Always try to think of y our partners feelings first … before you open your mouth.” -Jan Walters (married 16 years

You have to remember to work on your marriage. You get into a routine and go through the motions, especially once the kids come. Make time to spend with your spouse, away from the kids and the daily stressors, so that you remember what brought you together in the first place. Also, focus on the fact that you love each other, even during those time you may not like each other. So many throw in the towel when things get hard. Respect each other, and celebrate your differences.” -Jennifer Lilley Collins (married 18 years

Never stop dating each other.” -Lexus Strnisa 

Put your marriage first at all times. Yes, even over kids. It was the two of you before anything else.” Anny Bezilla 

Kindness, humor, and sharing of responsibilities.” -Donna Piacquadio (married 39  years) 

No yelling at each other. No matter how mad. Treat each other with respect. Too mad to be polite? Say I’ll talk to you in five minutes. You are adults and partners. Talk things out respectably. Harsh words create more problems.” -Marybeth Donnelly Cadotte (married 34 years) 

My grandma and grandpa were married for 65 years when they passes. The day my pap died my sister asked my gram what her secret was and her answer was simple but strong. Just be kind.” -Amber Seeley  

Respect. You can disagree on something, but respect that your spouse has a right to their own opinion. Support one another in difficult times. Don’t just think about how you feel. Think about how it’s affecting them as well. Help each other.” -Adele Williams (married 37 years

Balancing each other out. Where one might be weaker the other has strength. Overall, keeping each outer balanced.” -Cassandra Holloway (married 5 years

Just be honest. No matter how hard it is. No matter how much it hurts. Then go from there.” -Shannon Marie (married 12 years) 

Do not take each other for granted & never go to be or leave the house mad. Always say “I love you” no matter what the argument of the day is.” -Erin Acampora (married 29 years

Give and take and NEVER use the big curse words about each other when fighting. Also don’t fight in front of others especially in front of your kids.” -Colleen Rivera 

And if any of the above are not inspiring, two of my good friends did suggest wine and whiskey! But, I would suggest not mixing them together. 

 

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Amanda is a new Washington County resident. She and her husband just bought their first home together in the North Strabane area. They are parents to a handsome little man named Lorenzo who will be 6 in August. His smile and energy lights up a room. He just may be the next Pittsburgh Penguin star! She graduated from Point Park University in 2010 with a Bachelor’s degree in Advertising and Public Relations. Even though her full-time job does not relate to her degree, she is still able to get her creativity out by contributing to Pittsburgh Moms Blog. It has always been her dream to share her own experiences with the world. Amanda is a working mom who is always struggling to balance life. Marriage, motherhood, friendship, and work all very important to her. Trying to maintain a work-life balance is key to her happiness. She hopes to one day inspire women to believe in themselves, stand up for one another, and never take life too seriously.

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